Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Why Guitars are Better than Women…

1- Guitars don’t get pregnant.
2- You can play your guitar any time of the month.
3- Guitars don’t have parents.
4- Guitars don’t whine… unless you want them to.
5- You can share your guitar with your friends.
6- Guitars don’t care how many other guitars you’ve played
7- Guitars don’t care how many other guitars you have.
8- Guitars don’t care if you look at other guitars.
9- Guitars don’t care if you buy guitar magazines.
10-You’ll never hear, “Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new guitar!” unless you go out to buy one yourself.
11- If your guitar is flat you can fix it.
12- Your guitar doesn’t care if you never listen to it.
13- Your guitar won’t care if you leave up the toilet seat.
14- You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your guitar.
15- If you say bad things to your guitar, you don’t have to apologize before you play it again.
16- You can play your guitar as long as you want and it won’t get sore.
17- You can stop playing your guitar as soon as you want and it won’t get frustrated.
18- Your parents won’t remain in touch with your old guitar after you dump it.
19- Guitars don’t get headaches.
20- Guitars don’t insult you if you’re a bad player.
21- Your guitar never wants a night out with the other guitars.
22- Guitars don’t care if you’re late.
23- You don’t have to take a shower before you play your guitar.
24- If your guitar doesn’t look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
25- You can play your guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
26- The only protection you have to wear when playing your guitar is a decent thumb pick.
27- When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your guitar.

...and those are just a few reasons i have had more guitars than girlfriends over the years...

and on that note, here are a few guitar-themed tunes, some pretty old, some very new, for ya'll to shimmy, shake and bake the day away (by way of yousendit for a week or 100 downloads, whichever goes first)...

prince - guitar
camper van beethoven - guitar hero
steve earle - guitar town
the shadows - guitar tango
radiohead - anybody can play guitar
carl perkins - guitar boogie
xtc - my brown guitar
eddie lang - blue guitars
spineshank - while my guitar gently weeps
lonnie johnson - guitar blues
the clash - jail guitar doors
tom jones - ten guitars
eddie bond - broke my guitar
frank zappa - my guitar wants to kill your momma (live)
johhny cash & june carter - long legged guitar pickin' man
ray stevens - guitarzan
cake - the guitar man

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Blogger dickvandyke said...

Mmmm. But what about a cup of tea and a blow job on a Sunday morning?

4:58 PM CDT  
Blogger sleepybomb said...

mr van dyke,
you silly brit. that just goes to show that you have never owned a guitar... and that i have too many. altho, i do sometimes get the occasional wim wam on a just as an occasional tuesday morning, and when that happens, well i forget about the tea, (and lately the guitars don't carry as much weight either)...

8:49 PM CDT  
Blogger The Mad Stratter said...

sexy lookin' Tele you got there.

10:36 AM CDT  
Blogger dickvandyke said...

Ha! - I was hoping to illicit some response m.a. my dear chap.

You are dead right; I've never owned a guitar - although I did have a bizarre mouth organ incident once with a damp Catholic Venezuelan tart just outside Caracas.

By the way - there's no tele in that room. But then, with all those 'axes' (get me) cluttering up the place, there is little space for viewing Basil and Sybil Fawlty. (That may be a fridge however in the background - or simply an attractive corner unit with sturdy wooden plinth).

Sorry, I seem to have digressed from my original thrust, which was .. what kind of a euphemism is 'wim wam'? And why Tuesday morning? I think your adoring readers need to know - not to mention your lovely lady!

Thanks for calling me 'silly' by the way -ultimate compliment.

Keep that little chubby chin up.

Much respect and a glass of foaming ale.

3:36 PM CDT  
Blogger dickvandyke said...

Oh and you need to be aware of this too Sleepy ..


particularly Ray Davies and Macca playing live.

(Ray has his 2nd solo album just out by the way).


2:37 PM CDT  
Blogger Tim said...

Ah, and what about Talking Heads' Electric Guitar?

Like the list. Did you make those up yourself? I think it would make a fine chain letter.



10:35 PM CDT  

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